The Name Is Smith, John Smith
by TheOfficerandGentleman
Summary: After watching James Bond movies at North High, Haruhi Suzumiya alters the world. Now Kyon is a secret agent man that goes by the codename 007 but you can also call him by his other name John Smith. /KyonxHaruhi/ ( Next update the 29th of November!)


_Disclaimer= I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya. All goes to Kyoto Animation and Nagaru Tanigawa. I gain no money from this. _

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'_**Ah Saturdays! ' **_Surprisingly he was not so melancholic today. Kyon was walking down the street. The neighbourhood perhaps mirrored your average cul-de-sac, with the home-made pies cooling down on the windows sills, the fathers relaxing on the hammocks outside and the kids running around a broken fire hydrant trying to keep cool in this heat. In this warm weather Kyon wore a light green t-shirt, beige cargo shorts and flip flop sandals. Despite the fact that it felt like Japan was in an oven that was turned on a hundred degrees, he can still somehow manage to smile.

'_**And why shouldn't I?**_ _**The sun was shining the birds were singing and the bees were doing you-know-what. Most importantly it was the most care free day of the weekend! It's time to kick up your feet, get some fresh air and read some Manga's! Today is a gift that's why they call it the present.'**_

It was then when reality sunken in, his smile turned into a frown as he stood in front of his school North High. Kyon was back to his usual self. '_**Sadly mine is anything but. You see ever since I met you know who my life has been turned upside down. Before you knew it, I was fighting a giant cricket in another dimension and repeating summer vacation with an esper, alien, time traveller and a bossy girl who subconsciously control the world, but I'm guessing you already knew all that. On today's to do list we are going to a watch a couple popular British spy movies in the West called 007 at school. I have no idea why we should watch it at school of all places but it beats having to search the town for anything out of the ordinary. **_

_**Little did I know that it's only later that it was going to turn out bad… for me that is**_.''

_**As I walked up the stairs I soon heard the most angelic voice coming from the SOS club room. Like an angel that can bring any man on his knees praising the Goddess that she is . Just kidding. It sounded much more like nails scratching on a chalkboard or a cat stepping on a hot plate. Take cover when you hear that voice.**_

"What's taking you so long_**!**_?'

He shivered. _**'Yeah that one.'**_

That voice belonged to Haruhi Suzumiya, the thorn on his side who was just standing there barking orders as usual, leaving Kyon wondering whether or not he should turn back and go back home. _**'There's no going back now. You can do this.' **_He finally reached the top of the stairs where all the commotion could have been heard.

"And hurry up Mikuru_**!**_ It's not that bad_**! **_Stop overreacting_**! **_'' Haruhi yelled. She had poor Mikuru Asahina left all alone in the hallways to push the entire huge sofa all by herself. Sweat formed on the face of the petite red headed time traveller. Despite her best effort, she could not push it any further and fell on the sofa face first moaning.

"Here let me help.'' Kyon ran and offered. The girl looked up to see her knight in shining armour.

"'Thank you Kyon-kun." With a heart-warming smile like hers, he would push Mount Everest.

''So…you finally decided to join us." His neck hair stood up when he heard her. Frightened, Kyon turned around.

In front of him stood Haruhi Suzumiya, as optimistic and energetic as ever, not to mention that she was smiling ear to ear. For the boys at the school that smile made their hearts warm. All with the exception for the one who really understand the meaning of that mischievous smirk. It means that she is up to no good. _**'Dear God what is going on in that reckless mind of hers?'**_

On the bright side, she had her hair in a ponytail. He liked that…..a _lot_.

Luckily for him she decided to let him go with just a warning. It seems very un-Haruhi of her. Regardless Kyon shrugged it off as nothing before continuing the slave labour.

"So where do you want it?" Kyon asked Haruhi once he got the couch inside the club room.

"A bit to the left." Haruhi demanded. Kyon shifted the sofa to the left _**'Easier said than done. This thing is freaking heavy.' **_He groaned as he mustered up all his strength to push the sofa against the bookcase.

"Hm….I don't like it like that way. A bit to the right Kyon." _**You have got to be kidding me.**_

'_**Anything else your Majesty?'**_ By now he knew better than to say anything back to Haruhi, even if she was being a demanding brat. Just do as she then he gets to go home tonight and Haruhi is happy. The world will also be completely unscathed. Everybody wins here!

Yuki Nagato came in with the _007_ collection box set and DVD machine in her hands. Itsuki Koizumi was the next one to enter. The esper was carrying a massive flat screen television in his arms. Although his face behind the screen you could tell that esper boy had a hard time carrying it. It looks like his knees were about to buckle and he's going to fall down, taking the television with him.

"Uh…..Suzumiya-san where do you want me to put it?" The esper asked trying his best not to let go of the heavy television.

'_**I think a better question is, where did Haruhi get the television?'**_

''Will you relax Kyon!" Haruhi said folding her arms as she looked at the worrisome Kyon. As if she knew what was through his mind when Koizumi walked through the door with the television. "We are borrowing it from the teacher's lounge."

Kyon was not sold,_** 'Do you honestly expect me to believe that? And "We"? Don't drag us down with you if you get you caught common thief.'**_

After a while the five had finally settled on the couch. Koizumi, Kyon and Mikuru were completely exhausted after setting everything up. Since she was not human Nagato had no signs of being physically tired. Meanwhile, Haruhi was searching for something. Although they were not quite sure what it was.

"Listen up everyone! We can't start the movies because someone here forgot to bring the snacks!" She said eyeing the SOS members suspiciously, especially Kyon.

'_**That someone is you Haruhi. I remember clearly you saying on Friday that you'll be getting the snacks.'**_

"Kyon." Haruhi said, _**'pointing to yours truly.'**_ "Go to the convenience store and get us some popcorn and slushies'. That's your penalty for being so late and letting us do all the hard work."

'_**She cannot be serious! I'm not going down that hill, all the way to convenience store and then all the way up the freaking hill again. It's like going through hell and back!'**_

"Hurry up Kyon_**!**_ You're wasting daylight over here!

He stood up from the couch, biting his teeth. ' **_As much as I've wanted to scream NO!, I had to remind myself who she was and what she can do if I flat out said no to her. It would mean BOOM goodbye world! And I don't want that on my conscience. Without a word I stood up and went down that freaking hill, all the way to the convenience store and paid with MY money! _Ryoko Asakura **_**if you're reading this please come back and put me out of my misery**._

_**In the interest of time and my sanity, I've finally made it back to the club room. Fortunately, everybody was waiting for me to arrive before starting the marathon. But to my demise I had to hear an earful from you know who. Of course, all I heard from Haruhi for taking so long was ''penalty, penalty, penalty**_".' Kyon sighed once again, a black cloud over him. '_**Truth be told, being in this club is a penalty.'**_

'_**It is a shame that the bossy leader is yelling at me right now; I can't help but admire her beauty. She also has fantastic bone structure. Just imagine placing gentle kisses on the cheek, her jawline, and on her neck.'**_

His eyes widened_**. Wait…What the hell is wrong with me?'**_

"Did you even hear a word that I was saying_**!?**_" The stern SOS Brigade leader asked, tapping her foot impatiently at the day dreamer. Their faces were inches apart, making Kyon break into cold sweat. With all the powers she already has, Kyon hoped that mind reading was not one of them. Haruhi gave him a suspicious look.

"_Baka_! We'll review your behaviour on Monday." She yanked the slushy from his hand, taking a sip. "You got that?''

Finally, after four hours of being shunt around, the five finally settled on the couch….again. As the trailer for other movies started, Mikuru was now the one who was being restless. Something must be bothering her because the girl would continuously trip over her own words as she tried to tell Kyon something. **'**_**So cute...' **_He thought.

"I-I-Is this a scary movie?" She asked tears already forming in her eyes. The time traveller hugged Kyon's arm, hoping that it would not be the case. Mikuru hated horror movies.

Kyon could not help but chuckle, "No only action and romance.'' _**'You can still hold me Miss Asahina. I'll protect you from any evil monocle eye masterminds'**_

He soon regretted his answer when Mikuru let go of his arm, a shy blush coming across her cheeks "Oh okay.''

'_**Damn it! Me and my stupid, stupid mouth! I should have said yes!'**_

They've watched everything in order, starting from Dr No. which was produced back in 1962. After that there were still 22 movies to go. It was night time as they neared the end of the marathon.

_**Meh. It's not bad or anything but it's certainly not my cup of tea. To each their own I guess. I prefer a plot like a normal guy that goes to school and meets a girl who can alter and shape reality to how she sees fit. One day, that very girl gets bored with her life and creates a new world where aliens, esper and time travellers exist. Together they go on a lot of adventures or should I say misadventures. Does any of this sound familiar to you?**_

Kyon studied the other SOS Brigade members as they watched. _**'Any time an intimate scene happened Miss Asahina would look away blushing as red as a tomato and in one scene she went pale when that briefcase filled with diamonds exploded in the guy's face. If you thought her reaction was bad then you should have seen it during that testicle torture scene in Casino Royale. OUCH! Yuki stared at the screen with a blank expression on her face. Koizumi just sat there with his usual smile. It's creeping me out. Haruhi was like a kid on a Christmas morning, she seems like she was fully invested in all these movies. She was even laughing at his jokes for crying out loud!**_

Laughable as it sounds Kyon could not help but feel a bit jealous towards the fictional agent. _**Hmm…It seems like this James Bond guy is the perfect type for Haruhi. Sure he's not an alien, esper or a time traveller but he's a man of action also witty, charismatic, and confident and makes women fall to their knees in awe. He can keep Haruhi interested. Not like me…**_

Kyon's eyes widened at what he just thought' _**And since when did I care if I'm Haruhi's type? Must be tired…Yeah that's it…tired.**_

He yawned. Slowly he felt himself drifting to slumber, using Mikuru's head as a pillow.

The first thing he saw when he woke up was a glittering chandelier hanging on the ceiling. _**'Okay where did Haruhi steal it from?**_' Was the first thing that ran through Kyon's mind. _**I don't remember the couch being so comfy.**_ His eyes shot open when he realised it was a queen sized bed he was sleeping on. As comfortable as the bed was, he was way too freaked on how he got there in the first place.

'_**Where the hell am I!?'**_ He frantically paced around the place. This was a 5 star hotel that would ask for an arm and a leg for just one night. The hotel had old world charm, a somewhat modern but mostly antique feeling to it, with the tiger's skin on the floor in front of a fireplace.

Kyon just happened to stand in front of a mirror then. He took a look at his new appearance. The casual clothes he wore were now replaced with a tuxedo, '_**What's the occasion?' **_he wondered. Kyon also wondered whether or not this was a closed space or a dream. His train of thoughts was disrupted by a choir outside.

_Dashing through snow_

_In a one horse open-sleigh_

_Over the fields we go, _

_Laughing all the way,_

_HA-HA-HA-HA_

'_**Christmas Carols in May? What's this bizarre world you put me in Haruhi? ' **_The moment he opened the window he was embraced with a strong wind. The wind was howling and strong enough push Kyon a few steps back. To his surprise it was snowing outside. The houses were decorated with Christmas lights that were draped over the rooftops and the front lawns with Snowmen. The children were laughing and throwing snowballs at each other on the streets. Two blocks away the Big Ben Clock tower at the Palace of Westminster could have been seen. The Bells were tolling as the clock striked at midnight.

_**Wait a minute.. Big Ben Clock tower….This is London!**_

"How the hell do I get myself in these messes?" Kyon asked as buried his face in his hand. There is only one way that he can end up in a place like this after sleeping. _**This has Haruhi's name written all over it all right. I need to find her fast or these changes might become permanent.**_

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_Opening song-Bouken Desho Desho by Hirano Aya._

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_Author's Note= It's been awhile since I wrote something on Fanfiction, so I'm quite nervous whether or not I'm still good at it. I'm especially nervous with publishing this because I never wrote something for the Haruhi Suzumiya series before today. _

_I'm eager to hear your feedback, whether it's positive or negative. Constructive criticism would also be greatly appreciated, considering the fact that this story in work and there are 2 more stories on its way. Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next update!_

_All My Love,_

_The Officer and Gentleman_


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